Grim
weather outdoors always seem to dampen weather from within … my internal
weather for one. One look out the window
and sure enough, it impacts my already sour and uneasy feeling brewing. Inside one’s mind … heart (?) something isn’t
right. Blurry are the cause or causes,
yet the sentiments scream loudly. My
mind pushes to take one more look at the skies.
One must be sure that the stark darkness is the real stealthy thief robbing
me of what could be a bright, positive disposition on a carefree day. One mustn’t go about carelessly blaming
someone or something, but it wants to.
Thunder breaks my wishy-washy thoughts.
It reacts to the dark clouds churning and aiming to pounce. It gets aggravated. It rends a garish clap.
Somewhere
in the back of my mind, I might have dreaded wandering alone in the big city
today. It must be what’s gnawing inside
me of which I refuse to openly admit. On foot, it is simple enough to navigate
NYC. However, with heavy clouds
threatening an all-day downpour, getting around poses lackluster appeal. The alternative has a shoddy face. Moving transport, on the other hand, could
pose an overwhelming complexity. Should I
just claim it?
Another
likely unknown culprit embroiled in this awful mood is an absent company. For instance, celebrating a meal and feasting
on the laid out blessings at the table brings sedentary sensations. How much pretending of a contented impression
about life could I do today? How far can
I carry a staring stance in the midst of a crowd? A sense of perfect response
to ambience or aura could not be fabricated in a sea of strangers and
unfamiliar surrounding no matter how inviting it might be.
What
else diminishes a spirit ready to claim a vigorous and animated locale? That would be a lonesome walk to a museum, a
landmark, a park, a place of interest!
It will be solitude … lots of introspection … heaps of thinking … nothing
more, nothing less. Who wants it? Not me.
Not today, or any day here. Not
in this city of exploding energy and stimulation. Being in the BIG APPLE requires gregarious,
unreserved, expansive “everything” !!!
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