Why Care?

Blog128:

Caring for an ill or temporarily-incapacitated loved one is work of the heart and mind.  You could not just go through the motions of robotically … routinely assisting him or her.  You must be conscious of the very reason you give care.

A bond must exist between care receiver and giver.  Not just any bond, mind you, but a patient, loving kind of bond.  Whether it is relieving pain, such as re-arranging pillows for a bed-bound person, or it is getting anything whimsical the person desires, you must accept your own inconvenience and difficulties so that the other may get the necessary comfort at time of illness … incapacitation.  It is also important to exercise your ability to wait, however long it may require the care recipient to complete a task - be it aided bathing, eating, walking, moving around.  Without a built-in tolerance for waiting, you can lose your “internal rhythmic cool”.  You must, by all means, disallow yourself from being rattled by an annoying behavior.  When people have a nagging pain and discomfort, their wonderful personalities temporarily disappear down the drain.  They easily snap at every little thing.  They could even be cranky and demanding in the same breath!  You can’t be angry or anxious toward the person you choose to give care.  When your patient is your loved one - family pet, sister, parent or spouse … you could not condemn her or him for rendering a faltering, awkward behavior toward you.  Psychology calls this patient’s attitude as ‘projection’ – an act of erratic conduct transfer from real cause (temporary pain/disability).  When you are unable to understand what your patient asked to be done or deliver something to ease his or her discomfort, you become the cause!

Temporarily caring for someone you love also requires unconditional love.  You care for your pet or family because you inherently love her or him.  When relationships are naturally characterized by affection, fondness, warmth and delightful regard, you could not help but treat her or him with kindness, no matter the difficulty or inconvenience.   You instinctively look for ways to get anything or do something that makes the person happy, contented, relaxed and calm.  You make the best soup or find the best treat, brighten the room, engage in wholesome and encouraging conversation, hug and keep cozy … restful … your ‘patient’.  You go beyond expectations and necessary actions because you want her / him to get well and reinvigorated.  The sooner this could be reached, the faster healing comes, and the better you feel.   

Grudgingly and bitterly caring for a loved one, whatever his or her situation does no one good.  It does not nurse your ‘patient’ to health.  It is a disservice to her/him and you, especially if it causes a schism that might fester in the heart and the mind.  We care for someone ill, unwell because we love her/him - nothing less … nothing more!